Rules for releasing your inner toddler

Ever thought how much more fun chores would be if you behaved like a toddler. Follow my fun guide and you will be living the dream in no time!

1. Livening up the daily commute

The next time you find yourself stuck in traffic imagine that you are a toddler. Wow I’m driving a beep beep! An actual beep beep! Press random buttons and pull random levers! Pretend you are an astronaut zooming through space! Wave to your fellow commuters. Sure you may get some strange looks but hey you are driving a frickin beep beep!

2. Sweeping the floor

Look at me I’m sweeping the floor wow! And look this job comes with free floor snacks! Scoop up the free bits of chow as you zoom your brush around the floor (making more of a mess). Warning: this activity may elicit mild concern from your partner. Really they should just be happy you are doing your share of the chores right?

3. Unpacking the groceries and restocking the fridge

This is really only fun when you try to put each item in the exact same place. Once you figure out that this doesn’t work you have to remove the last item you put in and replace it with a new one. Continue until you forget what you are doing and become obsessed with a slice of cheese you just noticed. Snack on said cheese slice while your bewildered partner finishes the job for you.

4. Vaccuming

Enough said. Being in charge of something this awesome doesn’t even need a description. Remember to suck up everything, and I mean literally everything (wedding rings, loose change, etc.) that hasn’t been put safely out of reach.

5. Boring bank jobs

Forget boring! You get to use a free pen and look at all that free paper to scribble on! Ignore the freaked out looks of your fellow customers as you bang merrily away on the ATM (tip: try to do this during the security guard’s lunch hour).

6. Shopping for work clothes

Don’t try anything on. Simply seek out the brightest, gaudiest clothes you can find, ensure none of them match and accessorise with the biggest, sparliest jewellery (this works even better if you are a man). Watch while your colleagues gasp in admiration (or fear) as you walk proudly by.

7. Grocery shopping

Wow a trolley! Wow toys! Wow…oh wait I just remembered I’m a toddler so I hate grocery shopping! Scream the shop down and force your partner to shove sweets, magazines and basically anything you fancy at you in a bid to shut you up! Continue screaming until you have reached the carpark whereupon you will immediately shut up and smile.

And there you have it. Life is just more fun as a toddler.


Warning: following these rules may cost you your relationship, job or even health.

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